Birthday Party Is Nothing Like Reader Wanted
DEAR HARRIETTE: My 30th birthday just passed, and it was awful. I hate to sound ungrateful, but what should feel like a major milestone felt completely overlooked. Honestly, I've had a rough year, so I was OK with having a quiet birthday this year -- just some reminiscing, goal setting and maybe some quality time with friends. Someone asked me if they could plan a surprise for me. While the thought was sweet, I expressed that I didn't want anyone spending money on me, but they insisted on doing something. They asked what I would want, and all I asked was that it be low-budget and that my parents be present. I found out that everyone who attended had to pay, despite it being in my friend's home, my parents were not invited and the host had a program full of her favorite activities for the gathering. It didn't feel like this party was for me at all. Should I say something to my friend? Or will I appear ungrateful? -- Birthday Blues
DEAR BIRTHDAY BLUES: You could ask your friend to do a debrief with you about the party. Tread carefully. While everyone had to pay something, do you know how much? She may have needed some cash to defray costs. The party may have had a low budget, even if it wasn't free. Not inviting your parents when you made that request was not cool. You can ask how she pulled the party together and express disappointment that she didn't keep your key thoughts in mind. Let her know that you don't mean to sound ungrateful, but you are sad that if felt like your surprise 30th birthday party was not a party for you at all.
Next time, say no to such a thing, and plan your own event. That's how you maintain control.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend of five years and I broke up a couple months ago. It's been difficult as we try to rework our entire lives without each other. Honestly, I kept hoping we'd resolve our issues and patch things up, but she didn't see things that way. In the process of breaking up, I decided I should move out and let her keep the apartment; I didn't have to do that. To add insult to injury, she is now insisting that she keep our puppy. This is unfair! I did her a favor by moving out. I could've fought to stay there, but I didn't. Now she wants to keep the dog we got together, too? This experience has shown me a totally different side of her. What are some reasonable options here? This breakup has been hard enough; I can't risk losing my dog. -- Puppy Custody
DEAR PUPPY CUSTODY: Do you have the wherewithal -- including the time and resources -- to properly care for the puppy? If so, treat this just like a custody issue for children. Let your ex know that you want to share custody of the puppy, and do your best to work out a plan. Hopefully, she will be reasonable. If not, enlist friend and family support to help you resolve the custody battle.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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