ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We attended a charity event for a homeless shelter -- an event we have gone to for several years. This time, there was a guest speaker who was a former client of the shelter.

This gentleman had gone there when he was homeless and fresh out of jail. He spoke for 45 minutes, which I thought was way too long, and he included details about how he used to be a gang member, how his wife stole cars and how his youngest child was conceived at the shelter. He also talked at length about how all of this led to him becoming a born-again Christian.

Would it be wrong to give feedback to the shelter director that this speech was too long and too detailed? It was a turn-off for me!

GENTLE READER: Prior to dinner, did you make two online purchases, register at a website, drop a child at school, and go to a doctor's appointment? And in every one of these encounters, were you asked if the exchange met your expectations and to give feedback? Were you then able to post your opinion about every other aspect of your day on your various social media feeds?

Miss Manners suspects that if she has the specifics wrong, she has the gist right: You have had more than enough opportunities to voice your opinion about everything.

Should you also tell the people who fed you about the things you didn't like at their event? Did they even ask?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The homes in our neighborhood have very prominent "No soliciting" signs on the front doors. This usually does not stop various salespeople from ringing our doorbells and continually knocking on our door, as they can see through our open curtains that we are home.

They always seem incredulous when I yell "The sign says 'No soliciting'; that means you!" at them when they are standing in my yard, looking right at me through my living room window.

It feels rude to yell at strangers, but it also feels like they are trespassing and violating my privacy when they disregard my signage and look into my home. What would you have me do in the future?

GENTLE READER: Your request for stronger measures -- after admitting to the practice of yelling, at strangers, loudly enough to be heard through a closed window -- not unnaturally makes Miss Manners stop to think before she responds.

Is this a case of one straggler per week who, though annoying, could be either ignored or turned away at the door with a brusque "No thank you"? Or is there a line of salespeople jostling at the gate, day and night, whose comings and goings are keeping the baby awake?

Before we start building fences, investing in locks or calling the police, have you tried identifying the company whose representatives these are? If the repetition and intrusiveness is as seriously invasive as you suggest -- and you can keep your tone icily civil when you complain -- you can let the company's attorneys deal with possible illegalities.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN